School of Hard Knocks

Broken hearts here and many tears today. We lost our little bottle lamb, Stella. And we are kicking ourselves -it was a senseless accident. We kept her in a cage on our porch and would let her out in the yard (which is fenced) to play. We'd let her out with Diva (our little Aussie mix) and Selena (the matriarch 12.5 year aussie). Both dogs didn't pay much heed to her.

I was working in my office and thought I'd just check on her. I looked out the front door no Stella. I put on my shoes and called and didn't see her. So I went to the backyard, looked no Stella. And then the most horrible thought crossed my mind. The ornamental pond. Oh no. I looked in and much to my distress, there lay Stella, motionless.

Amongst tears I carried her to the front yard and screamed at Hubby to come help. I tried to resuscitate her with mouth to mouth. But it was no use, she was gone. I could of kicked myself to tim-buck-too, why an earth did I give her so much freedom? I went round and round in my head -all of the should haves...but nothing would help bring her back.

Then I had to do what was one of the most heart breaking things in my life -tell my daughter when I picked her up from school. She knew something was wrong before I told her because I couldn't stop crying. She thought at first it was Selena because she's our oldest dog. I shook my head no, and said it's your baby. She screamed in disbelief "not my baby", I had to nod and cry with her.

I know time heals and soothes. But today was a hard lesson. We never thought little Stella could get up on the deck and into that pond- but somehow she did. I promise to all my little creatures that I'll do better in the future. I'll do my best to prevent the "I should have's...". If I think there's a chance, then I won't let it happen. Better to err on the side of safety then say I should have.

The pond is now covered in plastic trellis. I can't bare to look at it.